Ok, I promised I would write a blog about coming home and what life has looked like, so here we go. Just so you know, this blog has been sitting, half written in a Word document on my laptop for like 4 months. Truthfully, I don’t know how I feel about coming home, and to try to put that in words is a touch difficult. On any given day I’m somewhere between, “Please send me back overseas I can’t take it here for one more second” and, “I love America and I’m never leaving.” Yeah, reentry is hard; even if you do everything “right” it’s still a huge adjustment to come home.
I’m restless. Since I’ve been home from the race I’ve been in some weird middle land where I don’t exactly fit into my old life, but I’m nervous for what’s happening next. Overall, it’s been good but I’ve struggled to be content.
I may not want to eat rice for three meals a day, sleep on the floor, and take bucket showers, but I also don’t want to sit behind a desk, in an office where I never see the sun. Don’t get me wrong, I love the company I work for and I’m real thankful to have a paying job, but I’m not cut out for office life, I want to play outside.
Let’s back up a few months.
As usual, my travel days home from the race were traumatic; I dropped my beloved Nalgene and it busted, then I was running a fever and so sick for the entire trip home. Let me just tell you, standing in the South Korean airport, which is very fancy, in my Chacos, socks, leggings, giant t-shirt, and flannel while violently dry heaving into an airplane barf bag was not my finest moment.
Then, on my flight from LA to Atlanta, I sat in a middle seat in the very last row between a man who smelled strongly of marijuana and BO and a gal who was really into unicorns. Thanks, Southwest. So I slept, hunched over on my tray table, for 4 hours.
I got home late Monday night, spent Tuesday hanging out with Meagan, my brother and his fiancé got there on Wednesday, we had Thanksgiving on Thursday with my extended family, and family Christmas on Friday, I got a haircut and saw some friends on Saturday, and went to church on Sunday.
Outside of the normal Chick-fil-A and Starbucks cravings, I really wanted mashed potatoes, cheese, mushrooms, and orange juice while I was gone. Not together, I’m not a savage, just in general. I had originally asked for mashed potatoes when I got home, but since I wasn’t feeling well, I had my favorite World Race breakfast of fried eggs and toast.
I slept and watched Netflix for the next week then I went back to work. And I’ve been busy ever since.
I didn’t cry in Target, I wasn’t scared to drive, or have any of the stereotypical post-race breakdowns I’d heard so much about. It was having the power to choose that got me. Side note: I was a little anxious when I was alone by myself at night for the first time, that’s a huge WR no-no.
For 11 months, I didn’t have control over where I was going, what I was doing, who I was spending time with, or what I was eating. When I got home and suddenly was responsible for every decision about my life again, it was overwhelming.
Racers are often asked what they’re doing next; I’ve gotten that question literally 100,000 times. Literally, not figuratively, as you know I never exaggerate. People are genuinely curious but it also puts a tremendous amount of pressure on someone, especially when they’re trying to handle reentry.
It’s almost as if people assume “regular life” isn’t good enough for us anymore, or that we should be excited to get back out there and serve. One of the men on staff at AIM told us Jesus did 30 years of “regular life”; he spent 30 years as a son, a brother, a friend, a carpenter, a regular unassuming man. That time wasn’t squandered; he used it to know the Father and to prepare for his 3 years of crazy awesome ministry.
CGA starts in a few weeks and I’m excited to be back with other racers, living in community, talking about Jesus all day, ministering in the community, helping out at Training Camp, and learning about discipleship. I’ve enjoyed this season at home and now I’m ready to go do something new!
